Most parents begin managing their children’s behaviour from a young age. It starts as early as when children first resist following instructions or insist on getting what they want, especially when they shouldn’t. This is an instinctive reaction called counterwill. Counterwill is a psychological term that refers to an instinctive resistance to any form of coercion. It is a protective instinct that serves to safeguard an individual and support their survival and development.
However, it is inevitable that all children will encounter situations where they resist instructions. Think about feeding, sleep, and toileting routines for children between the ages of 1 and 3 years. Which caregiver hasn’t experienced their child resisting eating, sleeping, or toileting?
Naturally, most children remain dependent on caregiver support until their teenage years (and sometimes beyond). They must quickly learn that following their parents’ instructions can help them get what they want—whether it’s access to their favourite food, snacks, or outings. This understanding typically begins to develop around the age of 2 to 3 years, when children start to grasp basic language and develop receptive communication skills.
For some children, however, struggling with adult instructions is a persistent challenge, and it doesn’t seem to improve over time. These difficulties often compound with issues such as emotional regulation problems. When parents intuitively attempt to demand that their young children follow instructions, emotional outbursts can arise, combined with behavioural difficulties like aggression and disruption, which only increase parents’ distress.
In other cases, children who were generally compliant and well-mannered may start exhibiting severe emotional and behavioural problems once they begin school and progress through the school years. Parents may feel perplexed when they ask school staff for help and hear that their child is perfectly fine at school. Does this mean the parents are causing their child’s behavioural issues at home? No. It simply indicates that there are underlying issues that haven’t been addressed, which could grow more significant as the child ages. At school, where children are surrounded by strangers, they often put on a positive image to protect their self-esteem. At home, where they feel safe with their loved ones, they may be more vulnerable and reveal suppressed emotions and behaviours, which can worry parents.
Does your child show any of the following behavioural issues?
- Difficulties following instructions
- Struggles with controlling negative emotions
- Tantrums when they don’t get what they want
- Seeking screen time constantly and unable to disengage without a violent outburst
- Parents need to shout before the child stops misbehaving and follows instructions
- Shouting from parents has limited effect, and the child finds other ways to resist following instructions
- You feel torn between giving in to your child or facing their emotional outbursts when resisting their requests
- Complaints from your child’s teachers about their behaviour
The above are all red flags and may be precursors to more serious problems and treatment-resistant conditions. It’s best to start a behavioural assessment as soon as you notice these signs to identify suitable interventions and proactively address the issues causing frustration for caregivers. Early intervention can disrupt negative behaviour patterns and address the underlying factors sustaining these behaviours. Eliminating such problem behaviours early on can also remove barriers to your child’s learning and socio-emotional development.
If you're noticing any of these behavioural challenges in your child, our experienced team of psychiatrists and psychologists at Private Space Medical are here to help. Reach out today to explore how we can support your child's emotional and developmental journey with personalized care.
