Parenting is undeniably one of life’s most challenging tasks. Among its many trials, managing a child’s emotional meltdown is one of the greatest challenges many parents face; it’s an inevitable part of the parenting journey. Traditionally, emotional meltdowns or tantrums are viewed by society as undesirable and unacceptable behaviour. However, a significant advancement in child psychology in recent years has been the recognition that meltdowns are a signal that a child is struggling to regulate their emotions and has yet to develop the necessary self-regulation skills. Emotional meltdowns do not reflect a child’s personality, nor are they a sign of poor parenting.
So, how can parents help their children develop the skills needed to navigate these difficult emotions?
- Reframe your mindset from the traditional societal view (“emotional meltdowns are bad”) to a positive approach (“my child needs my help to cope with these emotions”).
- Focus on your child’s needs during a meltdown, not on the judgment of others. This can be difficult, but remember, your child’s well-being matters more than the opinions of strangers. (As Taylor Swift sings, “haters gonna hate…”).
- Emotions first, logic later. Avoid punishing or lecturing during the meltdown, as what your child needs most is your help in calming their emotions. Once they’ve calmed down, you can teach them (e.g., “It’s okay to be upset, but it’s not okay to throw things”).
- Emotional validation, a calm presence, and patience are key to soothing a child in meltdown. Acknowledge their feelings, reassure them of your presence, and wait with them (e.g., “I can see you’re really upset, I’m here with you”). Emotions, like the weather, will pass.
- Help your child build emotional literacy after a meltdown by increasing their emotional vocabulary. Using pictures, drawings, or colours can help children name and describe their emotions. Naming the emotion helps reduce its intensity, transforming feelings from “this big scary monster” into “I’m feeling angry and sad.”
- Model emotional regulation by showing your child how you manage strong feelings (e.g., taking deep breaths). Children can only learn to manage emotions that their parents can tolerate.
- Give your child time to develop emotional regulation skills. Just as watering a plant doesn’t make it grow overnight, no strategy will produce immediate results. Perseverance, practice, and consistency are essential.
If you’re finding it challenging to navigate these emotional ups and downs, our child psychologists at Private Space Medical are here to guide you and your child through this journey. Contact us today to learn more about how we can support you and help your child develop the emotional regulation skills they need for a happier, healthier future.
Dr. Beron Tan
Senior Psychologist
Senior Psychologist